我看了一个人的故事，确切地说，是现实，而不是fiction。
上一个月，我在本子上写过:"the real/data world is a fiction, but story is true."
我甚至想放弃了，想做出第二种甚至第三种退而求其次的选择，想安于被安排和等待的种种无望之中。

我不能这样做，即使我已经过了三年前最初做梦的那个年龄。是三年啊！！！已经三年了么？

我记得我当时作决定时候的泪流满面，每次想起这个事情的泪流满面，和此时此刻的泪流满面。
但是我不能再哭了，不能再惭愧，不能再拖延。没有任何一种其它选择。

我想把我的全部毛孔张开、放大，去容纳任何未知，毫无保留，即使是无可揣测的神秘和极端危险。

下过地狱，才可感知天堂。我想我的乐观，就在于悲观会有终结，而终结不是悲观。洞察的背后，有超越简单悲喜定义的永恒存在。

假如你站在宇宙的对立面，站在黑洞无边的阴影对岸，假如你不动声色的拥有这世上最难寻的两样武器——坚定、平和，我相信你是注定最好的选择。

我不太懂得该去把握一个怎样的安全距离是为真正合理的“安全”。浑身倒刺，一头扎进人群而无法自如的控制锋芒的锐度。

躲避人类，躲避关联，躲避那些短暂出现旋即消失的幻觉和悬念。

butterfly leaves, fashion art work, design by bairn, 2009

misery is a butterfly
her heavy wings will warp your mind
with her small ugly face
and her long antenna
and her black and pink heavy wings

解释一张图片是一件不那么讨好的事儿。自己很明白，别人未必，而你累得半死。而我做过的费力不讨好的事儿实在太多了。

感慨万千，每一天都是。可基本上你既不能哭也不能笑，不能放肆不能无礼不能越过每一个你看不见摸不着却无时无刻不在的界限。我并不想跑那每天的十公里却热衷于它，人和机器对抗唯一的好处是你能在这过程里清晰的感到时间的流逝，记忆可以透过汗水释放。身体在溶化。

该死的世界，人人只是各忙各的。不是么？

Written in 1998, by Bruce Mau

1. Allow events to change you.
You have to be willing to grow. Growth is different from something that happens to you. You produce it. You live it. The prerequisites for growth: the openness to experience events and the willingness to be changed by them.
 
2. Forget about good.
Good is a known quantity. Good is what we all agree on. Growth is not necessarily good. Growth is an exploration of unlit recesses that may or may not yield to our research. As long as you stick to good you'll never have real growth.
 
3. Process is more important than outcome.
When the outcome drives the process we will only ever go to where we've already been. If process drives outcome we may not know where we’re going, but we will know we want to be there.
 
4. Love your experiments (as you would an ugly child).
Joy is the engine of growth. Exploit the liberty in casting your work as beautiful experiments, iterations, attempts, trials, and errors. Take the long view and allow yourself the fun of failure every day.
 
5. Go deep.
The deeper you go the more likely you will discover something of value.
 
6. Capture accidents.
The wrong answer is the right answer in search of a different question. Collect wrong answers as part of the process. Ask different questions.
 
7. Study.
A studio is a place of study. Use the necessity of production as an excuse to study. Everyone will benefit.
 
8. Drift.
Allow yourself to wander aimlessly. Explore adjacencies. Lack judgment. Postpone criticism.
 
9. Begin anywhere.
John Cage tells us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere.
 
10. Everyone is a leader.
Growth happens. Whenever it does, allow it to emerge. Learn to follow when it makes sense. Let anyone lead.
 
11. Harvest ideas.
Edit applications. Ideas need a dynamic, fluid, generous environment to sustain life. Applications, on the other hand, benefit from critical rigor. Produce a high ratio of ideas to applications.
 
12. Keep moving.
The market and its operations have a tendency to reinforce success. Resist it. Allow failure and migration to be part of your practice.
 
13. Slow down.
Desynchronize from standard time frames and surprising opportunities may present themselves.
 
14. Don’t be cool.
Cool is conservative fear dressed in black. Free yourself from limits of this sort.
 
15. Ask stupid questions.
Growth is fueled by desire and innocence. Assess the answer, not the question. Imagine learning throughout your life at the rate of an infant.
 
16. Collaborate.
The space between people working together is filled with conflict, friction, strife, exhilaration, delight, and vast creative potential.
 
17. ____________________.
Intentionally left blank. Allow space for the ideas you haven’t had yet, and for the ideas of others.
 
18. Stay up late.
Strange things happen when you’ve gone too far, been up too long, worked too hard, and you're separated from the rest of the world.
 
19. Work the metaphor.
Every object has the capacity to stand for something other than what is apparent. Work on what it stands for.
 
20. Be careful to take risks.
Time is genetic. Today is the child of yesterday and the parent of tomorrow. The work you produce today will create your future.
 
21. Repeat yourself.
If you like it, do it again. If you don’t like it, do it again.
 
22. Make your own tools.
Hybridize your tools in order to build unique things. Even simple tools that are your own can yield entirely new avenues of exploration. Remember, tools amplify our capacities, so even a small tool can make a big difference.
 
23. Stand on someone’s shoulders.
You can travel farther carried on the accomplishments of those who came before you. And the view is so much better.
 
24. Avoid software.
The problem with software is that everyone has it.
 
25. Don’t clean your desk.
You might find something in the morning that you can’t see tonight.
 
26. Don’t enter awards competitions.
Just don’t. It’s not good for you.
 
27. Read only left-hand pages.
Marshall McLuhan did this. By decreasing the amount of information, we leave room for what he called our "noodle."
 
28. Make new words.
Expand the lexicon. The new conditions demand a new way of thinking. The thinking demands new forms of expression. The expression generates new conditions.
 
29. Think with your mind.
Forget technology. Creativity is not device-dependent.
 
30. Organization = Liberty.
Real innovation in design, or any other field, happens in context. That context is usually some form of cooperatively managed enterprise. Frank Gehry, for instance, is only able to realize Bilbao because his studio can deliver it on budget. The myth of a split between "creatives" and "suits" is what Leonard Cohen calls a 'charming artifact of the past.'
 
31. Don’t borrow money.
Once again, Frank Gehry’s advice. By maintaining financial control, we maintain creative control. It’s not exactly rocket science, but it’s surprising how hard it is to maintain this discipline, and how many have failed.
 
32. Listen carefully.
Every collaborator who enters our orbit brings with him or her a world more strange and complex than any we could ever hope to imagine. By listening to the details and the subtlety of their needs, desires, or ambitions, we fold their world onto our own. Neither party will ever be the same.
 
33. Take field trips.
The bandwidth of the world is greater than that of your TV set, or the Internet, or even a totally immersive, interactive, dynamically rendered, object-oriented, real-time, computer graphic–simulated environment.
 
34. Make mistakes faster.
This isn’t my idea -- I borrowed it. I think it belongs to Andy Grove.
 
35. Imitate.
Don’t be shy about it. Try to get as close as you can. You'll never get all the way, and the separation might be truly remarkable. We have only to look to Richard Hamilton and his version of Marcel Duchamp’s large glass to see how rich, discredited, and underused imitation is as a technique.
 
36. Scat.
When you forget the words, do what Ella did: make up something else ... but not words.
 
37. Break it, stretch it, bend it, crush it, crack it, fold it.

38. Explore the other edge.
Great liberty exists when we avoid trying to run with the technological pack. We can’t find the leading edge because it’s trampled underfoot. Try using old-tech equipment made obsolete by an economic cycle but still rich with potential.
 
39. Coffee breaks, cab rides, green rooms.
Real growth often happens outside of where we intend it to, in the interstitial spaces -- what Dr. Seuss calls "the waiting place." Hans Ulrich Obrist once organized a science and art conference with all of the infrastructure of a conference -- the parties, chats, lunches, airport arrivals — but with no actual conference. Apparently it was hugely successful and spawned many ongoing collaborations.
 
40. Avoid fields.
Jump fences. Disciplinary boundaries and regulatory regimes are attempts to control the wilding of creative life. They are often understandable efforts to order what are manifold, complex, evolutionary processes. Our job is to jump the fences and cross the fields.
 
41. Laugh.
People visiting the studio often comment on how much we laugh. Since I've become aware of this, I use it as a barometer of how comfortably we are expressing ourselves.
 
42. Remember.
Growth is only possible as a product of history. Without memory, innovation is merely novelty. History gives growth a direction. But a memory is never perfect. Every memory is a degraded or composite image of a previous moment or event. That’s what makes us aware of its quality as a past and not a present. It means that every memory is new, a partial construct different from its source, and, as such, a potential for growth itself.
 
43. Power to the people.
Play can only happen when people feel they have control over their lives. We can't be free agents if we’re not free.

我们围坐在石头砌成的荷塘边
看月色如何映红你的脸
那还有一路的艰难

我们一路前行
远离灯火阑珊处的人群
听马蹄风起回声的山谷里
悉数往事亦如散落的群星
只有一件事最重要的明天你依旧在我身旁

宇宙的无理性偶然
呈现在你触动夏天的指尖
穿越过工业区穿越过地铁
相遇在漫长隧道的里面
回望身后片刻的永恒
像鸟一样在天空深处
恋爱和自由迁徙的飞翔
栖息在最无边的土壤
只有一件事最重要的明天你依旧在我身旁

时空飞逝
年华老去
我们也许无力前行
但是你我都能知道那是唯一的方向
只有一件事最重要的明天你依旧在我身旁

还有画室，地上乱乱的堆满了学生作业，都是石膏像而且没画完，笔触相似，是画的荷马或者贝多芬或者被缚的奴隶？走来走去，阳光挺好，地面是大块的米黄色地砖，到处是铅笔屑，橡皮渣，黑色的墨痕。

在梦里，我想把那些石膏像素描作业拼成一张巨大的作品。

一直睡到中午，醒来想了很久这个梦，似乎有一段时间没有如此清晰的能够回忆起一个梦了，而且竟然残存所谓灵感。

分两个晚上看完<柏林苍穹下>，对白很像诗很好听，87年的nick cave年轻而且锐利。镜头里的影像和声音总是会带给人超越日常经验的触动，舞台会放大表演者的自信，这两者真是十分理想的媒介。

Lied vom Kindsein
　　
Als das Kind Kind war,
ging es mit hängenden Armen,
wollte der Bach sei ein Fluss,
der Fluss sei ein Stom,
und diese Pfütze das Meer.
　　
Als das Kind Kind war,
wusste es nicht, dass es Kind war,
alles war ihm beseelt,
und alle Seelen waren eins.
　　
Als das Kind Kind war,
hatte es von nichts eine Meinung,
hatte keine Gewohnheit,
saß oft im Schneidersitz,
lief aus dem Stand,
hatte einen Wirbel im Haar,
und machte kein Gesicht beim Fotografieren.
　　
Als das Kind Kind war,
war es die Zeit der folgenden Fragen:
Warum bin ich ich und warum nicht du?
Warum bin ich hier und warum nicht dort?
Wann begann die Zeit und wo endet der Raum
Ist das Leben unter der Sonne nicht bloß ein Traum?
Ist was ich sehe und höre und rieche
nicht bloß der Schein einer Welt vor der Welt?
Gibt es tatsächlich das Böse und Leute,
die wirklich die Bösen sind?
Wie kann ich es sein, dass ich, der ich bin,
bevor ich wurde, nicht war,
und dass einmal ich, der ich bin,
nicht mehr der ich bin, sein werde?
　　
Als das Kind Kind war,
würgte es am Spinat, an den Erbsen, am Milchreis,
und am gedünsteten Blumenkohl.
Und isst jetzt das alles
und nicht nur zur Not.
　　
Als das Kind Kind war,
erwachte es einmal in einem fremden Bett
und jetzt immer wieder,
erschienen ihm viele Menschen schön
und jetzt nur noch im Glücksfall,
stellte es sich klar ein Paradies vor
und kann es jetzt höchstens ahnen,
konnte es sich Nichts nicht denken
und schaudert heute davor.
　　
Als das Kind Kind war,
spielte es mit Begeisterung
und jetzt, so ganz bei der Sache wie damals, nur noch,
wenn diese Sache seine Arbeit ist.
　　
Als das Kind Kind war,
genügten ihm als Nahrung Apfel, Brot,
und so ist es immer noch.
　　
Als das Kind Kind war,
fielen ihm die Beeren wie nur Beeren in die Hand
und jetzt immer noch,
machten ihm die frischen Walnüsse eine rauhe Zunge
und jetzt immer noch,
hatte es auf jedem Berg
die Sehnsucht nach dem immer höheren Berg
und in jeder Stadt
die Sehnsucht nach der noch größeren Stadt,
und das ist immer noch so,
griff im Wipfel eines Baums nach den Kirschen
in einem Hochgefühl
wie auch heute noch,
eine Scheu vor jedem Fremden
und ha sie immer noch,
wartete es auf den ersten Schnee,
und wartet so immer noch.
　　
Als das Kind Kind war,
warf es einen Stock als Lanze gegen den Baum,
und sie zittert da heute noch.

andy warhol是最近最理想的马桶读物，阅读进度迅速，并且总会禁不住想微笑。若做得到真正说想说的话，该是伟大的进步。